March a busy month at Southampton Legion

March is shaping up to be a hive of activity at the Southampton Royal Canadian Legion Branch 155.

EMPLOYMENT

 P/T STAFF NEEDED

With our growth, we are looking for additional Kitchen and Bar Staff!   Great flexible hours and a fun friendly environment. Interested persons should contact us right away!!

 GREAT JOKE CHALLENGE

*** The first 2 people to email me (john.willetts@eastlink.ca) with a joke that I can use in the April news letter, will receive a 1 yr family pass to the Bruce Museum.  Best of Irish Luck!

Don’t forget our St. Patrick’s Day Party. Music by “The Rafters”  3  p.m. – The best of Rock and Roll from the 50,60’s,70’s !!!  Irish Stew, as good as your Granny McGhee made. Served up by the Ladies Auxiliary  5:00.

 MARCH COMING EVENTS

Wed. Mar. 6            General Meeting  8 p.m.

 Sat. Mar. 9              Legion House Party !! 2 p.m.

                              Join us and guests from Hespeler Legion

                              Dancing, Karaoke, Beef-on-a Bun

Wed. Mar. 13           Free Skating 3 -4:30 p.m.  Southampton Coliseum

Wed. Mar. 13           L.A. Meeting  7 p.m.

Sat. Mar. 16             St. Patrick’s Day Party Music by  “The Rafters”  3  p.m. -on

                               Irish Stew by the Ladies Auxiliary 5:00

Sun. Mar. 17            Pool For Meat   1 pm.

Wed. Mar. 27           Exec. Meeting  7 p.m.

Sat. Mar. 30             Steak Shoot   3 p.m.  

Sun. Mar.31             Darts For Meat   1:30 p.m.                   

ONGOING EVENTS, ALL WELCOME

TV BINGO EVERY TUESDAY, 7:30pm

CARDS EVERY THURSDAY AFTERNOON, 3:00pm

FUN DARTS EVERY THURSDAY, 7:30pm

Last Post

Arthur Hawes, 1920 to 2019   Arthur has been a member since January 01, 1984 and had 36 years of Legion service.

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JOHN “O’MALLEY”  JOKES

 An Irishman goes to the doctor, who after examining him says

“You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay.

“So the doctor gives the man the tablets and the patient asks,

“Do I have to take them every day?”

No,” replies the doctor, “take one on the Monday, skip Tuesday, take one on the Wednesday, skip Thursday and go on like that.

“Two weeks later the doctor is walking down the street, and he sees the patient’s wife.“Hello Mrs Murphy,” he says, “how’s your husband?”

“Oh he died of a heart attack,” says Mrs Murphy.

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets he would be all right.”

“Oh the tablets were fine,” says Mrs Murphy,

“It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”

  •  Ralph and Gary were contemplating life when Ralph asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?

    ”I’d rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Gary.  “better to spill a couple of ounces of                  Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”

  •  Linda says to Stew if you were stranded on a desert island who would you like most to be with ?”  “My uncle Mick” replies Stew.

“What’s so special about him?” asks Linda.

“He’s got a boat,” says Stew.

  •  “Mr. Willetts,” said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant.“It’s alcohol and alcohol alone that’s responsible for your present sorry state!”I’m glad to hear you say that,” replied John, with a sigh of relief.”Everybody else says it’s all my fault!”

 

  • Barman Paul says to Ben “Your glass is empty, fancy another one?” lookin’ puzzled Ben says “Why would I be needed two empty glasses?”

 

  • An Irishman went for an interview with one of the major blue chip computer companies.

  When the interview was over the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete    a test. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on    the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman.

“Could you please show me a clever way to make this into nine?”

After thinking for a while the Irishman took the pencil and drew a canopy of leveas on top of the three pairs of lines and handed the paper back to the interviewer.  The interviewer looked at the drawings and said, “But that’s not nine!”
“Oh yes it is”, said the Irishman with a broad Irish accent, “Tree + Tree + Tree make nine!”

The interviewer handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99.  After thinking for a long while the Irishman scribbled up and down the trunks and handed the paper back to the interviewer. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not ninety-nine!”  “Oh yes it is”, said the Irishman, “Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine.”

The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all, therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100.

After thinking for a considerably longer time the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil and drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three and handed the paper back to the interviewer.

The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: “But that is not 100!”  “Oh yes it most certainly is”, said the Irishman with a much broader Irish accent, “Dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and turd + dirty tree and a turd, make a 100

A man is walking down the street in Southampton when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Saugeen River – $100.

He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100.

The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him in the river.

Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100.

The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him in the river.

Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, “Do you think they’ll serve any food on this cruise?”

The second man says, “I don’t think so. They didn’t do it last year.”

NEWSFLASH………..
The Irish SAS were dropped into Russia last week with orders to take Vladimir Putin out……
So far…. news reports say …… he’s been to the cinema twice……… and last night they went Ten Pin Bowling…..!